YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
