Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
