If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
