chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize