My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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