Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
