She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
