I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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