Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
