Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
