i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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