Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
