I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
