A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
