Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
