She is in my trunk
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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