Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Buhtt sex?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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