Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
