Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
