I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
