Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
