if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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