You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just high enough for therapy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
