If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize