i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
