Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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