Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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