I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize