Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
