I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
