True but thats because hes a fetus.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
