he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
