Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
