Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
