God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
