So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
