We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize