The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
