There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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