Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
