I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
