I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
