At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
