I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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