When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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