so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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