I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
