I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
