youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
