Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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