Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
