I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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