I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
