the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
