I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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