you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
