Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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