I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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