mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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