i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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