Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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