I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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