how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
