I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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