Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
