I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
