Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
