What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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