If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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