Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
