The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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