Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
