none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
