I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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