Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
